I have that album but mostly listen to that song on Valentine's Day. My favorite song on Sixpence None the Richer's self titled album is "Love" and I also like "The Lines of My Earth".

CountAngus

This is one of my all time favorite songs. Beautifully rendered...

***EtherealKairi

I am sorry about a miscarriage... I think you should enjoy your trip as much as you can. He loves you.. It is a good news !

It is funny.. Sorry to say this. But I like pee and poop part in this entry. I know how much it bring you a lot of work. Say hello to your Hachiko for me.

Have a nice day !

By no means should u hurt urself.Put up with the pain and later on u're gonna think ab this man that will have become history and only...laugh!

Take care,

be strong!

OLyA

I HAVE A NEW DIARY!!

Whiskrrrs

That one's going to be updates about my life, and this one's going to be my poetry and short stories.

<3

Sky.

Awwww he's soooo cute!!!

xxx

TOO cute!

ugh!  i am so sorry i keep getting things confused!!  sorry!  i feel like an idiot! 
~Kate

Hello  Kitty is originated in Japan.. I guess it is about 25 years ago.  Now it has gotten popular all of the world.. Maybe I say too much. At least in the USA. I am glad you like dogs ! Even Leo is such a naughty dog we love him  He is a interesting dog. Speaking of Hachi. I have heard your country make a movie based on Hachi's story. Rechard Gere supposed in the movie. I can't wait to see it.  Have a nice day !

You two look really happy. I almost get burned.  Come to Japan someday !

[masako]

 yikes im sorry about tht!!! Just dont tell her ur not  pregnant but she will find out sooner or later ekk and tht was funny when u said tht our moms might be seperated from birth lol

and i like ur pics cute!!!

MY MOMS CRAZY!!

i like seriously hate my family there gonna drive me sooo crazy tht i might kill myself one day but atleast if im dead ill be FAR FAAARRR away from them [=

[Polkadotcutie186]

that's so cool! i never would have figured it out if i didn't live here!

~destiny

hell yeah! just give 'em the boot and say f*** you! that's what i do to anyone who thinks i'm too young and irresponsible to raise my baby.

<3

Sky

hi!!!!!!! it's mkgtweety

thanks 4 adding me 2 ur fav.'s!!!!!!!! glad u likw what write and talk 'bout!!!!!!! bye!!!!!!!

mkgtweety

well you go to imeem. and get your music from there and get the code.

and put it in the <> button.

lol, if that made any sence at all :P

wow.  =0 that's so sweet!!!! im so happy 4 you!!!!

xoxo

Sara

Hey sis, things aren't really any better between me and Jay but thanx anyway. We're all a lot better now thanx, apart from Jay. His cold has gone down into his chest and turned into a chest infection so he's still quite ill. Maybe you're having a big baby, or twins!! Hehe. I know, my hormones were all over the place when I was pregnant. I'd be laughing one minute and shouting and screaming the next. They should settle down after a bit. So if you think you're pregnant, you really need to go to the doctors and get check ups and make sure the baby is fine. I lovethe names you chose! Sorry about your mum. That's a strange thing to say. That's so sweet about the drawing. So sorry about your child. Mine would have been 6 last January. Angel is one of my favourite girls names. Gotta go, Tylers awake! Love you loads! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

that's so sad. i hate more than anything when babies die bcuz they never even got a chance @ life. it makes me almost cry and appreciate that i even exist.

angel is an adorable name.

Thanks.

Chad

Good luck, I hope everything goes well. Can you make the font a little bigger for us old people though?.....lol....like around the large print Reader's Digest? Just kidding.

Chad

Ellie, you're added.  Please leave lots of comments on my entries and pictures.  If you decide my diary is not for you, please let me know and I'll change your access.

Enjoy

Well thats cool still :) Kids frighten me...I told my fiance I wanna wait like ten years!

Aww thanx sis! Your comment was so sweet and meant so much to me! *hugs you tight* You said such lovely things to me. Thank you. I love you so much too! Thanks for saying I can email you! So are you gonna go to the doctors then and find out if you're pregnant? There's a chance I could be pregnant too... Me and Jay made love without using protection. I know it was a stupid risk but we were both drunk so yeah. Being drunk kinda makes you stupid sometimes... So hope I'm not pregnant. Makes me so happy that Greg is being so supportive. He sounds like a lovely man. Actually yeah I did get that quite a bit with Ty, the runny, stuffy nose thing. I think it's coz being pregnant lowers your immune system or something. And yeah you can get tender breats at any time during pregnancy, even if you're only a couple of weeks pregnant. Tyler is doing good thanks. He got his first tooth today!!!  Makes me so happy!!!  My little boy is growing up!!!!! Yeah Tylers well thanks but poor Jay is really ill. He's got a runny nose, a cough, stomach pains, chest pains etc. I feel really sorry for him. What he's got looks nasty. I think I'm getting it too. My throat is starting to hurt and my nose is starting to run... I'm really hoping Tyler wont get it  Thanks so much for being here for me. I couldn't have asked for a better best friend/sister! I love you so much sis. You're so sweet and amazing. You mean everything to me. I hope you know that! Ah I'm so excited to find out if you're pregnant or not!!!!! Aww I hope you get the baby neice you're hoping for! Oh I found this on a website, thought it might help you:

How to Take Care of Your Tender Breasts
Breast tenderness can really get you down sometimes, so here are some tips on keeping those breasts nice and comfortable.

• Wear bras that fit properly. Go to a professional at your department or maternity store to get measured.
• Try to buy cotton bras, which will allow your breasts to breathe more easily.
• Avoid underwire bras – they can cut into your breasts and restrict blood flow to the area.
• When you exercise, buy a bra designed specifically for working out in.
• If your breasts are sore at night, try wearing a cotton sleep bra.
• Consider buying a bra that is a couple of sizes larger than you need at the moment. This will allow you to grow into it.
• Take a warm bath to relieve swelling.
• If your breasts feel hot or are throbbing, apply a cool facecloth to the area.

Take care sis, love you loads and thanx for everything. Keep me posted on the whole maybe-pregnancy! Love you lots!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hey hun. Thanx for the note. Thanx for being proud of me. That means a lot to me. Thanx for the compliments aswell. I can't promise you will I will kick Ana's ass and tell her to f*** off but I can promise I will try my best. I pretty much have quit cutting. I haven't cut for about 2 months now. Thanx for believing me in and everything. Yeah we call it social services here too. I know they would take Tyler away from me, that's why I can't get any professional help and why I'm trying so hard to stop but as you've been there, you should know these things don't just go away overnight. I can't just decide to get better and suddenly not be anorexic anymore. I'm trying my best but it takes time. I can't quit smashing things. I rarely ever do it but if it's either that or hurting myself then I think I'm doing pretty well. That's so cool you might be pregnant! I promise I will try to be ok. Sorry for making you worry so much. Take care sis and thanks for everything. I love you so much too xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi sis! Thanx for the note! Ah I guess you're most likely not pregnant then. Did you take the test in the morning? Coz one of my tests with Tyler said negative and I found out it was coz I took the test in the afternoon instead of the morning. Maybe you should go to your doctor just to be sure? Take care, love ya xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hey sis, thanx for the note! Sorry but if Cris hates you for whats happened then she's not worth keeping as a friend. Real friends support each other. Those are signs of pregnancy but they could also be signs of other stuff or just a hormone inbalance so try not to get your hopes up just incase you're not pregnant. Also the needing to pee a lot usually happens at a later stage of pregnancy. Who really knows though, only way to be sure is to take a test so I'm glad you're going to at the end of the month. Cute names!! Cristina and Christian, aww so adorable. I LOVE the name Isabelle. It's what me and Jay were gonna call Tyler if he was a girl. Take care sis, love you lots! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi Ellie! Oh I meant to ask you, why aren't Chris and Corie supporting you?? That's so great you both wanna start a family! Aww! It's good you wanna graduate first. A smart decision! Aww that would be so wonderful if you did get pregnant and could give Greg the news as a birthday present. Imagine how happy he'd be!! I'm sure that would be the best present ever!! I agree you'll be a good mum, no wait, you'll be a GREAT mum!!! I'll give Tyler those hugs and kisses for you!!! Love you loads sis! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hey hun, thanx for the note, be sure to keep me posted on the possible pregnancy!!!!! That is so cool you're gonna graduate!!!!!! Have you talked to Greg about starting a family? Is it what he wants too? Best of luck to ya hun! Don't worry about what your mum thinks, it's your life! And yeah you're old enough! Lol. Take care! Love you lots xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi sis! Thanx for the note! Brody is Jay's son from a previous relationship. He's almost 3 years old and he's really cute! I miss talking to you lots too. What's up hun? Why's your mind clouded? I'm here if you wanna talk. Thanx for being here for me, it helps a lot *hugs you* Sometimes having someone there for you is better than any advice  You're pregnant???? Ooh, tell me!!! Hehe! Have you took a test? You should see a doctor, especially if your abdomen is hurting. Hope it all turns out well. Love you loads sis xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

that's so exciting! just make sure you don't get hurt too badly again, k?

Hey hun, thanx for the note. I've missed you!! Thanx for the compliment!  It's ok, you're right about my dad. He is a jerk. I really feel sorry for my nan and grandad having their son act that way towards them. Nah Salem's still a good kitty, he's just not happy right now I guess. I like what you're wearing, it sounds cool! Aww that's sweet, sometimes you never fall out of love. I hope you and Greg do get to talk again! So sorry about your baby *hugs you* Hope all works out well for you. Love ya! *hugs* xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I am so sorry to hear about your loss :(

I know it's still hard even a year later.

Love ya sis!!!!!!!!!!!!!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Thanx hun! Yeah things are alright now thanx  Don't be worried about me, I'm ok. Ty's doing good thanx apart from getting upset sometimes coz he's teething. Yeah it makes me so happy he said his first word! I CAN'T WAIT till he says mama!!!!!  You can talk to me sweetie,what's wrong? You can email if that's better. You have my email address right? What do you mean you're not well? *gives you a massive hug* Just let it all out hun, I'm here. It's not pathetic that you're sad. Zack didn't deserve you anyway. Don't let him get to you. You'll find your prince who will treat you special like you deserve. You'll find a boyfriend like the one Cris has. But remember you don't need a man to be happy so if you can, try and enjoy living your life single and free and then that perfect guy will turn up when you're not even looking! Just because some guys are a**h***s and don't have respect for you doesn't mean you should hate yourself. It's not you're fault, there's just a lot of pigs out there but there are some decent men too so don't give up hope. If a guy can't see how amazing and special you are, it's his loss and he's obviously blind. What are the bad habits you're doing? It's ok if you don't want to tell me. It's not you Ellie, you just haven't found the right man that's all. You are NOT too fat, you're beautiful. It's nothing you do, it's just you've had some rubbish luck and have only met guys that only care about sex so far. But remember they're not all like that, so just hang in there till you find mr right. 22 is nowehere near old. 32 is not even close to old! You've got YEARS yet! And besides, you're only as old as you feel  You don't know that life is gonna get harder. No one can say what's gonna happen. Age doesn't have anything to do with if life's gonna get easier or harder. Try to look at your future in this way, you never know what amazing surprises life has in store for you! It doesn't have to be scary, it can be exciting if you can get in the right frame of mind. So many people love and care about you and we don't want you to die so even if you feel like dying, please don't try anything like that. Just because you feel like you want to die now, doesn't mean you'll always feel like that. just give it a little while. Take care of yourself and I'm here anytime you need me *big cuddles* Love you so much sis xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx p.s. Remember life is what you make it just like being single is what you make it. It doesn't have to be a negative thing. Go out and have some fun with your friends! Love ya xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hey sis! That was an incredible song you wrote. You're so gifted with writing poems and songs. Thanx for your note and the compliments  Yeah lots of people keep telling me I look better with black hair! Haha Ozzy might look cute and he can be sometimes but other times he's a little monster! Lol! Yeah that's what I thought I should do, try to not spend as much time with Tyler so that he don't get sick but it's just not possible. My mum's been out Christmas shopping a lot and Jay's working so there's only me to look after Tyler. I just hope he's lucky and doesn't get sick. That's terrible about Mali getting bronchitis. But he's ok nown though? It's ok, you didn't scare me, don't worry. Glad your days have been going ok. That's good you've got all your presents done. I just need a few more, which I'm getting tomorrow and then I'll be done too. I've wrapped about half of them, still gotta wrap the rest! I'm so busy! How come your mum didn't want anything for Christmas? I'll try and get rid of my cold! I've actually gotten a lot better already! Take care sis and have a great Christmas!!!!! Love you loads! *Many hugs and kisses from you* *hugs and kisses from your nephew, Tyler aswell* LOVE YOU! Love Nessie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Thanx sis *hugs you* I guess it is good my nan will be taken care of, I just worry coz you hear all these stories on the news about old people being abused in homes  And I'm worried about my grandad being on his own too. Aww your grandad sounded nice. Sorry he passed away *hugs you* That's so cool Tyler's starting to look like me!  Yay!  Heehee! Thanx for saying he's cute and sweet!  How has your day been today sis? Thank you so much for being here for me and for everything. I love you so much too. You're amazing, never forget that. I love you. Lots of love from your sister, Nessie xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Aww sis that is so sweet *hugs you* You'd take that risk for me? You are so lovely! *hugs you again* I love accents! That's so sweet you want to be there for me. You are so good to me. You'll always have a place in my heart too and I am MEGA excited about you coming over!!!!!!!!!!!!!  That's ok, i know you wouldn't impose or anything. That's so sweet you'd babysit Tyler. Aww! There are SO many cool things we have to do and so many places we need to go! We're gonna have a great time!!! I missed you like crazy too! I'm actually better now. That was weird, like a one day sickness. Lol. Glad you haven't gotten sick! Aww what you gonna get for your mum? I got my mum one of the singstar games but she kept it early. Lol. It's ok about the poem. It's good that you let your thoughts out. I'm sorry that you cut but glad you're ok and haven't done it since. If you wanna tlk about anything, like you why you felt the need to cut then I'm here but if you don't want to that's ok. I'm REEEEEEALLLLLLY proud of you for not cutting for 2 years!!!!!!!!!!!  You're amazing sis!! I love you with all my heart too and always will do. Loads of love n huggles, Nessie (your sis!) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi sis, I've missed you. How have you been and how is your life going? You all set for Christmas? There's too many pets on the street here too. It makes me sad. Glad you're well. I'm coming down with a cold and a sore throat. Just in time for Christmas  That is SO cool you're gonna go to Spain!! You are so lucky!! I've always wanted to go to Spain!! What do you mean risking it all??? Risking what?? Oh sis, I would LOVE to have you come here!!!!!!!! I would love nothing more than that!!!!!!  Omg that's gonna be so amazing!!!!!  Ah wow, Tyler's gonna love you, I know it!!! Oh sis, this is the greatest thing ever!  And you are so welcome at my place, you're practically family to me anyway! I love you loads sis and you've made me so happy!  I love your poem but it was painful *hugs you* Is everything ok? I like dark poems best, especially yours. Take care hun, love you loads! Love your sister, Nessie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Omg sis I am SO f***in sorry *guves you the hugest cuddles ever possible!* Mali will always live, through your memory and the memory of all those who love him. The happy memories of him, cherish them forever. Keep them close to your heart. I am here for you sis, ALWAYS here for you *cuddles you tight* It's good that you're not bottling this up. You're probably sick of crying but you do need to let it all out. If you ever need to talk about Mali or what happened, I'm here ok. You have my email address too. If this ever makes you feel like doing anything you'd regret, come online and email me instead. Let it all out. If there's anything I can do to help you, let me know. Mali is watching over you always. He's safe. You will see him again one day, I promise. Until that day, hang in there. Mali knows how loved he is. He'll never forget you, just as you'll always remember him. I'm not surprised you haven't been sleeping but I hope you do manage to get some sleep soon. Thank you for Tylers big, huge kiss. He sends big, huge kisses back to his auntie Ellie. Thanx for saying Tyler is cute! I missed talking to you too. Take care sis and hope you are eating aswell. You need to keep your strength up, especially now. I love you so much sis, loads of love, hugs n kisses, Nessie XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

Hi Ellie!!! Sorry for taking a while to get back to you. Newborns can be very demanding. Lol. How are you? How is life? I so wish you was here too!!! I have some pics for you! Here's Tyler:

He looks like he's waving. Lol. He's waving at his auntie Ellie!  

Tyler in his bouncy chair:

And Tyler in his car seat ready to go out and meet some of his relatives for the first time!

Things are going ok, getting more tired though. Tyler didn't have a good night last night. He had a tummy ache. Poor baby. He's fast asleep in his moses basket right now though. I lost a lot of blood in my c-section, 600mls and I'm on 14 pills a day, that's 3 iron pills for anaemia, the rest all for pain relief but I'm actually doing a lot better now. Tyler's a great baby and I love him with all my heart. He was worth it, he was worth it all. Anyway I'm gonna end this now as I'm tired. Take care and hope you're doing ok. Love you loads sis. Take care, love Nessie and Tyler (p.s. Tyler says hi to auntie Ellie!) Hehe xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi sis! Time certainly does fly! That pic was a few weeks old, I'm 24 weeks and 1 day now!!!! Not long to go now!!! Thanx for the note by the way. How have things been with you? That's a good way to think of spiders, as helpful insects. That helps  Hey, you're a good sister, a great sister! It's ok, we don't have black widows over here anyway. Bleh school sucks. Lol. Thanx for saying my pics are cute! Aww Salem's not a meanie, it was just coz he was scared. Well the poetry contest finished now but there will be more soon! I loved your entry. You are one of the most creative people I know. "No one invented me, I'm my own creation." That line is so cool and so true! Go sis!! I loved the bit about Britney Spears hehe. Take care! Love you loads! Love Nessie XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

Hi sis! That's ok, I missed you like crazy too! Aww thank you for saying I'm beautiful *hugs you* Thank you for encouraging me to think  positive. Yeah I expected a little pain during pregnancy but I had no idea Thanx for the compliment on my pics! Your room sounds cool! Glad you had such an amazing day. Aww I think it's sweet Zach wanted to meet your mum. Hehe. Good luck to Zach in achieving his goal! He sounds like a great guy. You sound so happy! Aww I'm so happy for you!!! Take care sis, love you loads! Love your big sis, Nessie XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

Thanx Ellie *hugs you* Yeah me and Tyler will be ok, he's a tough little guy, he'll be just fine, I know it and the pains are nothing serious so I'll be ok too. Thanx for caring and I sure will rest lots and take care of myself and Tyler. Wow sis, your poem/song, where did you get such talent!? Man that was just amazing. I love dark poetry/song-writing. You're extremely talented with words. Love you loads sis, love your big sis, Nessie XxXxXxXxXxXx

Hi Ellie, my lovely sis! Thanx for the note! Aww Rachel sounded adorable. It's good that she lived to a old age. Aww she sounded lovely. I had cats that lived to around the age of about 17 I think. I miss them loads. Thanx for being happy for me *hugs* I'm sure you will meet someone like Jay. You'll meet your prince. I believe there's somebody out there for everybody, soul mates and I just know you'll find yours. Thank you so much for saying I can email you and talk to you about anything *hugs you tight!* I really appreciate that! Same goes for you aswell!! Aww you really think I will be that good of a mum? Thank you so much!!!!!!!!!!!!  That just fills me with hope and confidence! Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Yeah I guess kids just don't know any better sometimes. Ellis is lovely when she wants to be. Lol. I'm glad to hear that you're doing somewhat ok and REALLY glad to hear that you're eating. Even though you're eating very little, it's so much better than nothing. The way I see it is every little helps. I am REALLY proud of you for not starving!!!!!!!!!!! Well done sis!!! You have so much strength, it is incredible. I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!!! Aww you could never bore me!!! I love hearing from you! I don't know how you do it, always manage to make your poems/songs so beautiful. I loved that line "sleeping beauty with poisoned lips.' Your poems and songs leave me speechless because they are so incredible! Thanx, my ankle hasn't been swelling up so much lately! Love you loads sis. Sending you *lots and lots of hugs n kisses* And if Tyler could speak I'm sure he'd thank you, his Auntie Ellie for his big, huge kiss! Hehe. Take care, LOVE YOU LOTS! Love your sis, Nessie (and Nephew, Tyler!) XxXxXxXXxXxXXxXx

Hi sis! Yeah you did tell me that you have polycistic ovarian syndrome. I didn't know much about it but a few weeks ago I came across an article about it so now I know more about what it is. Man that is exactly what it's like for me too, with the flashbacks. It's like how are you ever expected to move on if the flashbacks won't go away? It's really hard. I was doing a lot better until I started getting them in the night again. You seemed like you was doing better too? Aww thank you!  I don't know what I'd do without you either! I couldn't imagine my life without you in it! You're just so great. Thanx for believing in me sis  I know that you will get through everything too. You've got so much strength aswell. I hope I can somehow get rid of my stretchmarks. I heard that they fade later anyway. They actually don't notice as much as I first thought, which made me feel kinda silly after I wrote that big paragraph about it in my diary. I was just upset and freaking out coz of the stretchmarks. I am so not good at dealing with things like that but I realised it's actually not a big deal when you think of all the other stuff going on in the world, like wars and people dying and stuff. Kinda embarrassing that I was complaining about that now. It just seems so unimportant when I think about what other people are going through, like starving kids in Ethiopia or people being abused. Well I definitely do need a c-section but it's ok. I'm actually happy about it! I much prefer the idea of a c-section to a natural birth! I'm SO proud of you that you're trying so hard to not take orders from the stupid, selfish disorders. I feel ashamed about the binging too even though I know we shouldn't really ashamed because it's not our fault so really is something we shouldn't be ashamed about. Do you think it would help you to tell someone about Ana and Mia? You could make an appointment with your doctor, he can put you in touch with people that can help or advise you what's best to do. Your friends must care about you so much. You are not stupid. Denying it is quite a normal reaction. It's probably just because of the fear of not knowing what will happen if people find out. Or maybe you deny it because you don't want your friends to worry about you. It makes me really glad that you can open up easily with me. I feel like I can do that with you too. I wish that was true aswell, I REALLY wish we were real sisters. I'm sorry about the way your mum is... I have an idea of how tough it must be because my dads not understanding (that's an understatement) but I know it's not the same thing. I wonder how long exactly anorexia and bulimia have been refferred to as Ana and Mia. Just a random thought there. I think it's cool you're a vegetarian. I've wanted to become one but I just love meat too much and I know that sounds terrible and I feel really guilty about it. That book you got sounds good and it was nice of your mum to reccommend it to you. I think it's really good that you have accpted that you need help. That's the first step you know, admitting there's a problem and that you need help with it. I have every bit of faith in you that you can recover from this. Good luck with everything sis and take care. Lots of *hugs and kisses* back from me, Jay, Ty and my family. Lots of *hugs and kisses* to you and your family aswell. Love you lots, Nessie XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

hugs

[aandc4evr]

ellie, i love u sis u mean the world to me.......it hurts me to think i will lose u ........*tears * .....i love u

~ anna ~

That's ok sis *gives you huge cuddles* And you're not selfish. Your friend, Tyler sounds cool! Wow he's in Iraq? That's really brave. Don't you just wish Ana and Mia would just f*** off! I wish there was some genius pill that could make them go forever. I really wish you could get better and eventually get Ana and Mia out of your life but I've learnt that advising people to get help doesn't work. I've found that it's important to just listen and be there, not keep saying "get help" because it will only work if you're really ready to make Ana and Mia go away. But I do have to say though, even if you're not thirsty, please try and drink. You're body can't last that long without fluids. Thank you hun *hugs you tight* I love you loads too. I'm so sorry about what happened to you. sh*t no wonder you hate spring break *big huggles* It must be an extremely hard time for you. I'm here for you ok? If you ever want to talk about the past with me, you can, or in email if it's better for you but if you don't want to talk about it, I understand. The offers always there though. And I admire you for being brave enough to tell me. Some people can't bring themselves to tell anyone, not even type it. I'm really sorry if it was me asking that question that made you be about to cry. Really, really sorry *huggles* I can shut up about it if you want. Tyler says hi to his Auntie Ellie and sends you his love and big kisses back! And I send my love too, to my wonderful sister. Take care, thinking of you always, love your big sis Nessie XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

Sis, don't take this the wrong way but I don't mind being there for my friends but you didn't even ask how I was doing or anything! And if you'd been reading my entries you would know that I've been really depressed some of the time, even suicidal sometimes, had burnt myself a while back and am now in A LOT opf physical pain. You didn't even say anything like you hope I feel better or you hope the pain goes or anything! I like to be here for my friends but I like them to be here for me too. That's the way friendship is supposed to be. It just kinda hurts you know when people want you to be here for them but they're not here for you. But don't think that I'm having a go at you coz I'm not. I just think it's good to be able to talk about your feelings with your best friend (and sister!) and if something they did bothered you, to talk it through, not keep it to yourself. Like if I did something that bothered you, I'd want you to tell me so we could sort it out. Anyway I'm so sorry for what you're going through, I really am. If you want to cry then cry. It's better than keeping it inside. If you don't mind me asking, why does spring break make you feel like crap? If it's personal or something, you don't have to tell me. Just thought it might do you some good to talk about it? But it's up to you. I am glad that you can confide in me though. REALLY glad. And I'm sorry if the first bit of my comment sounds like I'm having a go at you coz like I said, I really don't mean it to come across that way. You're my sis and I love you to pieces and it's probably just where you're so depressed and going through so much and everything that it slipped your mind to ask how I was. Oh hun, I don't see you as fat, I see you as curvy, which is better than the stick-thin anorexic look. But I understand you want to lose weight and if you're not happy with your weight then losing weight is a good idea but losing weight the healthy way is much more affective coz the weight stays off that way! Nearly always if you starve yourself, the weight all goes back on later(or the other alternative, you end up hospital) and it was all a complete waste of time. That will just make you feel even worse than you did in the first place. If you lose weight the healthy way, not only will the weight stay off easier, you'll be able to feel proud that you did it the right way. You'll be a good role model to other people! AND you won't be doing yourself any damage that could be permanant. The reason I'm ill a lot of the time now (before I got pregnant, why I was always sick, migraines, pains etc etc) was partly down to me starving myself and putting my body through so much crap. I/my body will never be the same again coz of that. I don't want that to happen to you. "whale, tard, fatso, ugly." No, no, no!!!!!!!!!! Those aren't true at all!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't know if it's ana making you think that way or if it's coming just from you but ugly!?! Sis have you seen yourself lately!?!?! You are BEAUTIFUL and that's the damn truth!! "You will never be beautiful, perfect, right." You're already beautiful. You have been all along, you just can't see it. I am sorry to say but well, no one is perfect. Trying to reach perfection, I did all that and I discovered pefection is something that doesn't exist. You're setting yourself up to fail hunnie. There is NO perfect. It's not real. It's an illusion. I'm sorry if it's hard to accept that but if you can eventually begin to accept it, you'll feel a whole lot better. Just because no one is perfect, doesn;t mean people aren;t beautiful. Beauty is NOT perfection. They don't go together. You can be beautiful without being perfect. Aiming for a certian weight and having a goal is fine but if that goal is perfection it's just gonna cause you more pain. Sorry. Maybe you should write a list of what you have to live for, think about your future, what you wanna be, where you wanna go, what you wanna do. Show the world you're a fighter. Show the world you can make it, achieve all your goals, don't give up. Where do you want to be in 5 years time? 10 years time? What are your future plans? Ana makes you feel powerless doesn't she, the way she tries to gain control over you and sometimes does. But you're not powerless. You're really, REALLY strong and you can fight this. You can fight her, Fight ana. Don't let her win. She wants to destroy you. Don't let her. Show her you're stronger than that. Show her that she can't have control of you or your life. Take your life back. I want you to know that I'm really proud of you. You've been through lots but every day, here you are, a wonderful, beautiful person who brings so much happiness to others just by being here. Wow this comments like an essay. Lol. Just hang in there ok sis? *gives you the hugest cuddle ever!!!* I have some news that I hope might cheer you up a bit. I know what I'm having!!! A baby boy!!!!!!!!!! Lol shocking or what!? I really thought he was a girl!!!!!!!! But I'm just so happy that I know and I love my little Tyler so much! That's what we're naming him, Tyler! Anyway you take care of yourself *huggles you* I love you LOADS! Love your big sis Nessie XxXxXxxXxXxxxXxX

Aww you're welcome! I found the icons on www.photobucket.com by typing words in the search engine like 'suicide' 'depressed' 'alone' etc. Gonna go make a start on my entry now! Take care! Love ya! xxxxxxxxxxx

Hi sis! I missed you loads too!!! I'm looking forward to getting the letter but that's ok if it takes a long time. I understand! You will survive, you're a fighter! Just try your best and you'll survive! Good luck sis!!!!!! Love you! xxxxxxxxxxx